new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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