I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
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New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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