My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
