She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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