I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
