It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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