i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
