I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
