Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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