I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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