Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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