I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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