I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
