its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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