whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Randomize
