here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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