I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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