i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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