I showed him my bush... on skype.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
