I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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