he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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