her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
