So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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