Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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