a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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