Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
