i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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