Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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