How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
