At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
