my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
