I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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