A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
