Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
