so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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