he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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