If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
