Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
