Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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