it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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