Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
