Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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