I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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