Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
