I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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