maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
