I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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