I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
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We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
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ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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