Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
