you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
