I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
