when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize