She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
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As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
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I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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