This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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