Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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