you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
