She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
