and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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