So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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